Dancing in the Rain!

You know when you get this recurring picture or scene playing over and over in your mind? Throughout different times of the year, or during varying phases of your life, you seem to picture yourself in a, if you may, déjà vu realm. When you shut your eyes for a while and see yourself in a certain situation, or a certain state?

I’ve always considered myself a dreamy, romantic person. I’m turning 25 soon, but ever since I was around 12, I remember clearly having the same vision of me happily dancing in the rain. The streets deserted; the puddles interrupted by splashes and ripples of water droplets; the sky bright the entire city clean and shiny where the rain has left its mark. Yea.. that’s how I would exactly picture it. Oh and it would be night time for some reason.

And there is me right in the middle of it all, this charming scene, with arms stretched to the side, face looking up towards the dark blue sky to take in all the rain can bring – the cool breeze, the refreshing, unpolluted water, and the pleasure of the moment. Geared up with long boots, I would then swirl around in the puddles, stomp my feet in tune with a rhythm playing in my head, dancing my worries away, washing my stresses with every descending droplet from the heavens.

I can picture myself RIGHT NOW as I try to put my dreamy scene into words. An exhilarating feeling overwhelms me; one that makes me distress and feel at ease at once. Amazing!!
The irony of it all is that this dream remains an unrealized one. Year after year, I keep yearning, with the very same intensity and passion, for the chance to go out there in the middle of the road when the rain is pouring, and to just leave myself to nature and sway childishly into the depths of my all-time fantasy.

Somewhere Between...

Somewhere between...
the nights out... to ‘lets go for coffee”
the inside jokes... to the late night talks

somewhere between...
hurting inside... to new loves
the old loves... to all about hating love

somewhere between...
the Mena summers... to the fondest memories
the girls nights... the "getting ready"

somewhere between...
greatest fears... to teenage dreams
to the pain and tears... to countless nights

somewhere between...
the “I'll be there for you's”... to the “I miss you's”
to the bonding... to the secrets

somewhere between all this, I found myself the greatest friend in the world. We grew together, at times we grew apart. I found myself in a friendship that means everything to me. I realized how valuable you are to me... Somewhere in between there’s you and me, with trust... we found out life, and how to live it. We found out how to love, we found out ourselves.. and on the way, we found out we're best friends..

-- Dedicated to Shorouk, my all-time best friend, with love.

My baby shot me down...

I was five and he was six
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and I wore white
He would always win the fight

Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Seasons came and changed the time
And I grew up, I called him mine
He would always laugh and say
"Remember when we used to play?"

Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Now he's gone, I don't know why
And till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn't even say goodbye
He didn't take the time to lie.

Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down...

-- Lyrics for the song Bang bang (My baby shot me down) by Nancy Sinatra.
'Kill Bill" soundtrack.

Shakespeare in Love

What is it about that movie that overwhelms me?
An indescribable feeling sweeps me off my feet and into an untold world of fantasies, romance and yearnings. Sitting there from start till end, unable to move out of the chair in front of the TV, just watching intensely every expression, every look, every smile, every gesture, every touch. Perfect! Open-mouthed, gazing and focused, that is exactly how you would describe me during the broadcast of my favorite movie of all times. Why?? Why does it move me every single time I see it? With the same intensity, at the very same scenes... every time!! Amazing! One scene after the other… and I find myself head over heels with the movie.
Is it my never-ending love for Shakespeare himself??
Or is it the exquisite use of the Shakespearean English dialect?
Perhaps it’s the insanity of the lovers in the picture? Their restless venture into the pleasures of passion and their sincere commitment to one another with all their senses.
I’m most certain the way they express their love to one another leaves a profound impact inside of me. Wouldn’t it move you? See for yourself:

“She says: Tell me how you love her, Will
He says: Like a sickness and its cure together.”

And in another scene, talking to her nanny:
“She says: I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No... not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that... over-throws life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love - like there has never been in a play.”

Love was their only inspiration, their only motive. Words do move me… a lot. I’m very much a “word” person, especially when it comes to expressing love and other emotions. But the actions too, speak loudly and assertively and leave an engraved impression in my heart.

Whatever it is, after watching Shakespeare in Love, I have an incredible feeling like I’m floating on clouds…
that I’m lighter than air…
that I’m in love with love itself.

Bitter Sweet

How can you erase the inerasable?
How can you digest in the indigestible?
How can you take back the hurt you inflict in the moments of anger… the moments of uncontrolled anger.
How can such hatred and rage emerge so fiercely from the very same heart which pulsates tenderness, care and love?
How can you be so in need of affection and attention, ask for it, dream of it. But only get anything but it?
Why did everything suddenly turn into an incomprehensible colour?
It’s not bright, but is not purely black; a pale, dim grayish colour that seems so odourless, tasteless and senseless.
How could you be yearning of the “good old times”, remembering all the sweet, intimate moments of love, and recalling in your mind the first date and all it symbolized and yet, feel sorrow so deep inside?
I heard them use the expression “bitter sweet” often; only now I know what it means… unfortunately!
It could not be… I could not be so blind, so foolish!!!
Where have I gone so wrong??
Wishing for perfection? Is that a fault? I’ve always viewed it as an aspiration for one to be better and better. Always searching for ways to change.
Something is wrong. the negative vibrations cling in the air tensely… so tensely that it has become unbearable to communicate, to forgive, to give, to understand, to calm down, to inter-mingle.
Never have I given up, I’m not a quitter.
My nature tends to fight… to fight harder. To make this be.
But my essence seems to repel away from even the thought of trying, of giving, of forgiving, of doing it all over again.
Where has my faith gone?
What is left? What more can be done?
The feeling of conformity seems to find no place here.
Bitter sweet.

Speechless?

Marcel Marceau once said:
"Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us without words?"

Now the question is: What makes YOU speechless?

Nothing!

One afternoon, a friend of mine sent me the URL to her blogspot.
To be honest, I was vaguely interested.
But then another friend sent me her blogspot…and another.
Only then was my attention diverted to see what it beholds.
I was sincerely surprised with what I saw.
As I read through the blog spots I felt that there were things about my friends that I didn’t know!
The longer you live, the more you see, the more you learn.
I was awe-struck with their taste of word choice… their profound expressions, their line of thoughts, and their intellect in literature and poetry.
The thing I loved the most was the fact that all their words came from their heart.
Words that flowed through their minds and straight into that empty page in their blog page.
What else can one dream of?? The chance of expressing oneself freely.
I instantly loved the creation!
I had my own blog page…the one before your very eyes on the screen of your PC right now.
Despite the fact that I was utterly interested and excited as I filled in the required data to start it up, once I was faced with that empty space where I should start writing my thoughts… I froze.
Nothing!
Nothing!
“Think Rania…. Twist your mind”, I thought.
How could it be that I couldn’t find anything to say!!
At that very moment, the song “isn’t it ironic” by Alanis Morrisette struck up in my mind. The lyrics were so vivid in my mind… “isn’t it ironic…. Don’t you think?”, I remembered.
Out of all the people with blogs, I should be one of the people with the most contributions
For heavens sake!! Copy writing is my profession… my career! It’s what I do for a living!
I get paid at the end of every single month to write in the most appropriate manner that which other people fail to express in their own words!
And now, when it was my turn to express my feelings…
Nothing!