Bitter Sweet

How can you erase the inerasable?
How can you digest in the indigestible?
How can you take back the hurt you inflict in the moments of anger… the moments of uncontrolled anger.
How can such hatred and rage emerge so fiercely from the very same heart which pulsates tenderness, care and love?
How can you be so in need of affection and attention, ask for it, dream of it. But only get anything but it?
Why did everything suddenly turn into an incomprehensible colour?
It’s not bright, but is not purely black; a pale, dim grayish colour that seems so odourless, tasteless and senseless.
How could you be yearning of the “good old times”, remembering all the sweet, intimate moments of love, and recalling in your mind the first date and all it symbolized and yet, feel sorrow so deep inside?
I heard them use the expression “bitter sweet” often; only now I know what it means… unfortunately!
It could not be… I could not be so blind, so foolish!!!
Where have I gone so wrong??
Wishing for perfection? Is that a fault? I’ve always viewed it as an aspiration for one to be better and better. Always searching for ways to change.
Something is wrong. the negative vibrations cling in the air tensely… so tensely that it has become unbearable to communicate, to forgive, to give, to understand, to calm down, to inter-mingle.
Never have I given up, I’m not a quitter.
My nature tends to fight… to fight harder. To make this be.
But my essence seems to repel away from even the thought of trying, of giving, of forgiving, of doing it all over again.
Where has my faith gone?
What is left? What more can be done?
The feeling of conformity seems to find no place here.
Bitter sweet.